Would Give Anything to...

Updated: Apr 28

Shop 'til I drop


1. Walk into a department store and instantly inhale the delicious scent of perfume, leather and that magic feeling of luxury and possibility. 2. Gracefully mingle among the fashion-ahble and demure persons perusing the accoutrement before deciding to be shown something behind the glass, such as a tiara or something equally as useful. 3. Explore a retail palace full of rarified treasures with hope, expectation and an illustrious new credit card in my pocket. 4. Instead, donned a mask, hiked up my lounge pants, and took a field trip to Target...the long-distance relationship was becoming too unbearable. 5. Felt very apocalyptic.. exceedingly bright lights, gutted shelves and haggard people silently shopping wearing sweats/PJs in masks as if they were sleepwalking. 6. Needed to acclimatize so picked up a too-big-a-bag of mini Cadbury Easter eggs.. not easy to cram them in under mask... ate way too many and started to feel decidedly sick. 7. Face immediately gained 10 lbs as all of a sudden started to feel extremely claustrophobic. 8. Swollen nose still throbbing from elastic two hours later… if I end up with more wrinkles on my face, I shall sue Cadbury. 9. Officially broken up with Target too… may sue them too for making me wear a fucking mask… 10. And for not making me feel glamorous and loved like a proper department store.

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