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Some Parenting Confessions

Updated: May 5, 2020

Just the tip of the iceberg.

  1. Told the kids when they were little that they were always in my heart well before they were born.. when they asked how they got in my tummy…told them there was a slide…avoided birds and bees for longer than I should.

  2. When they were in elementary school...they had to write an article for a weekend newsletter on Monday mornings that got published for all the parents… only reason I dragged them to the zoo, the museums, the playground… didn’t want to be shown up as that parent.

  3. Didn’t always work... helper child once wrote, “My mum let me watch an inappropriate movie.” Really, Bad Santa? He was seven.

  4. Absolutely hated playgrounds when the kids were small.. and singing… all those stupid songs… and reading all those stupid books…fuck off Caillou and Dora…you can fuck off too... and those asinine Wiggles… the blue one was kinda hot... until he got his teeth done.

  5. Kids know all the words to the Beetle songs.. so that part paid off.

  6. Grandparents paid for Helper & Stoner’s private school education… sent them a lot of their framed artwork as a thank you.

  7. But not before I added “I love you” in glitter with my left hand to look like they did it…just ensuring their ROI was worth it.

  8. If I compare what I was doing at 16 and what stoner child is doing now then I’m def ahead.

  9. Might have slipped up the other night....poured helper child a G&T… what’s the drinking age again? Thankfully he took one sip and made a face... jolly successful homeschool lesson, I say.

  10. I love my kids... love yours in small doses.


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