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'Cause when the feelin's right I'm gonna run all night

Updated: Jul 22, 2020

I'm gonna run to you.

  1. You know those old lady thighs at the beach that jiggle and look like stilton? I think I may be be at least a bronze medalist at this point.

  2. Right big toe now points to 1am… it didn’t used to in March.

  3. Micro bladded eyebrows are vanishing.. and with all the zooms… how am I going to get them repaired? Seriously stressed out about this one.

  4. No I don’t need a Ben & Jerry ice cream tub lock… how dare you… so rude….thank you very much.

  5. Of course the numbers are going up, fuck turds... wear a mask!

  6. Current debate - does the cat have a twat or a vag? Summer school is deteriorating…

  7. Just scheduled a colonoscopy and an endoscopy… apparently they can do them at the same time.. shall be rotated on a spit.. hello 50, goodbye dignity.

  8. Shall need a massive RX for vicodin after.. heard the recovery is months.

  9. Ugh.. the prep…shall have to gift myself something very expensive afterwards...very.

  10. Interviewing housekeepers for my father who have worked for Burt Reynolds, Elon Musk, Denise Richards & Charlie Sheen…star fucker me… tres exciting…


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