Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door.
First you get the news and you go through all the emotions, say all the right things but you are filled with hope and belief that they will pull through... after all, they are strong, determined and fearless... and mostly because it's just way way too soon.
Then the prognosis changes and there is a new phase to wrap your head around...but in the pit of your stomach you are filled with dread.
Then the communications start to get more poignant, more vulnerable, more intimate... and worse, stop altogether… and you have to wait... wait for the inevitable phone call…and your mind floods with memories, deep sorrow for their kids, their partners, their lives and everything in front of them that they won't get to experience.
And so last night we got the call... her best friend who had known her for over thirty years who had been by her side through marriages, births, and now this... in a few simple words, let us know that she is no longer suffering.
And it’s devastating... not because I can claim a super deep friendship... but because we are all on this path together... because we are living parallel lives... we are raising kids together, figuring it out together, doing our best together… and mostly because we are in a sisterhood of moms together.
And this isn’t the first time someone I've known has gone too soon - and it hurts… it aches.. but not for me...for them, for their families, for all their future memories they'll have to create now without her.
And by design... this whole bloody thing sucks... as it's inevitable for all of us… and there is very little we can do about it... but be healthy, be humble, be positive, be kind, be grateful, be real, be courageous, be learning, and above all be ourselves.
And who knows what happens next… who knows where this all takes us.
So today... this day, I am profoundly sad and so thankful that I got to share some of this journey with her.
RIP dear dear, Crossley...You were a gift to us all and your light will always always shine bright. oxo